No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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