Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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