i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
