he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
