Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He called his prostate his "boner button".
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
