I faked an abortion last night.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
