if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
