Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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