dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
