Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
