i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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