so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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