Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
