According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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