If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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