I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
