Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
