Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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