I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
