Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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