I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize