You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
