My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
