just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
