I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize