Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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