I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
