Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
