You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
