Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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