Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Randomize
