Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
