So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
