Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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