Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
