I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dick very happy bro
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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