I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
