I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
