Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
