My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
