i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
