I'm drive I can fine osifer
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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