it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
