we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize