Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
