I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
