weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
