all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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