using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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