I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
