I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize