You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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