I just gift wrapped bread.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
