dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
