I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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