Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i don't like sucking hair
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
