Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Who died my cat blue again?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
