shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
