Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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