when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
