All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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