im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I could make wine with my vomit
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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