like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
