Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
