Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
