Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
