I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize