and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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