dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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