a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
