come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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