At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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