Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
