Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
