She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
