i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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