is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
