just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
