when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
