That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
