She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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