how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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