I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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