i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Panties = found
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
